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Jenga Tower

Towards of end of 28 Summers, Hilderbrand drops this pearl of wisdom upon the reader.

.. Mallory doesn't understand the architecture of his marriage. Ursula doesn't want to deal with the issue head-on partly because she can't summon the emotional energy and partly because she is afraid if she pulls the wrong block, the whole Jenga tower will fall.

Having observed more than one marriage from the outside where one side was unfaithful and the other seemed to turn a blind-eye to the obvious, this explanation could well be the reason why most such marriages don't fall apart. If the straying spouse is doing what they do out of boredom,  the desire for a shiny new toy and so forth, chances are the desire to keep stepping out, spinning the elaborate web of lies such things demand, will wear off in time. 

One has to assume the conditions at home are mundane, uninspiring, aggravating but not abusive. Given enough tine, things will return to equilibrium, the one straying will come home. It is up to the party who knows what is going on but pretends not to, to decide if letting time to do its thing, is worth their while. Because it does save them having to summon up and expend a ton of emotional energy that a confrontation will demand. The capsized Jenga tower of a functional marriage has no redeeming value either. It will only prompt pity from those who are keeping their intact. 

The real tragedy occurs when the aggrieved spouse decides to pull a block in a moment of distress, see if the marriage will hold - hope that will be the sign they need to stay. Nothing good comes out of such a move and the edifice is rattled badly even if not completely flattened. I am thinking of one marriage I know of where the woman bore the indiscretions of her husband stoically for over two decades and when I last saw them, there was every sign of peace. To his "credit" he always treated the wife like she were a princess. In return, she did not fuss about his bad behavior. They had an understanding, Given that they got married right out of college and are together thirty years later despite many upheavals, their marriage is far from a failure. Like Mallory in the story, most outsiders would not understand the architecture of this marriage. 

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