Heartcrossings

 A recent trip to the grocery store felt particularly sad. Most days, I am in and out trying to get through my list as quickly as I can. This evening I was not in a rush - it was after dinner and not too late. The supply chain disruptions have produced a variety of effects - empty shelves, prices of items sometimes double of what they used to be pre-pandemic. A young guy in the checkout line right before me had many boxes of ramen noodles, a bag of carrots and a bag of apples. In any other time I would have assumed that's what this person likes to eat but now I paused to wonder if he might have been priced out of things he does like to eat. I have adjusted my buying behavior to work around both what is available and how stuff is priced.  Given my dietary choices, I might not be shopping for the most high demand (and therefore scarce and expensive) food, so I don't experience the impact nearly the same as many others. Since I had the time to browse around, I did notice people b...

Following the horribly sad events unfolding in Ukraine from afar made me think of my first time watching Rashomon and then a few times thereafter in different points of time in life. Each time it became more evident that there is no single truth in the telling of history even if relatively recent. Events come to be seen in very different light as time passes and new perspectives emerge.  The further we are from the place, time and people who are impacted or actors in the the story, the harder it is to understand what is going on. The question of who is at fault for what is going on today can provide much more than Rashomon's four perspectives on the same event. I have friends and colleagues who are native to either side and some whose families have roots that go across both. Depending on who you ask there is a different answer - it is a factor of their age, the strength of their connections to the home country and how their lives in America have shaped up to be. My friend C wrote ...

It was one of those days when I remembered my hometown and school in a random bout of nostalgia for childhood. It does not take much effort these days to see what remains of old memories. In this case, from what I could tell from pictures and videos that are abundantly available, the town has changed a great deal and so has the school and both happily for the better. The current principal of the school was fresh out of college teaching kindergarten when I graduated. She had fire in the belly and was clearly made for better things. She was closer to our age than the rest of the staff and was very stylish so it was no surprise that she had plenty of fans among the high-schoolers. It comes as no surprise that Mrs. C has put that school from a sleepy backwater in India on the national map and the kids have traveled the world winning various competitions and scholarships.  The world is infinitely more connected now than it was in our time but Mrs. C deserves a ton of credit for availing...

This interview is a fun read not sure if I am up for reading the book itself based on the reviews. Closer home having been part of sales teams for a long time, I have seen the moving target of sales quotas to ever more unattainable levels not serve people well: ..Sales management sets quota at the level required to meet the company’s financial objectives (as opposed to actual market opportunity). The other part is psychological – sales management wants hitting quota to be a real accomplishment for the reps. But if only 40 percent of your sales team hits quota, more than half of your reps think they have bad performance. This fosters feelings of negativity and demotivation. One of my close friends is a veteran sales rep with many decades of experience. If she consistently made her quotas even five years in a row she could have retired by now. Instead her jobs follow a familiar pattern over and over - she exceeds quota the year she starts, they give her a harder patch and/or up her quo...

Learned about the traveling bar-tender from watching Midnight Asia. Great concept and a unique way to meet new people. Happenstance and Twitter work together to make magic happen (potentially). For those who are single and dating, a venue like this could be that old-fashioned chance encounter that is very hard to come by when the whole world is forever connected and online. Though the concept was invented in Japan, its worth replicating anywhere in the world Although finding Twillo can be devilishly difficult, especially if you don’t read Japanese, it’s absolutely worth the trouble. Kamijo serves up a snappy selection of beer, wine, spirits, cocktails and Cuban cigars. The magic of Twillo is in its power to turn a piece of any old city street into a party place by drawing in passers-by from all walks of life for new and unlikely encounters. The idea melds elements of a pop-up store with a meet-up without much lead time. This is where the element of magic happens. A person could be the...

There is simply no one-size fits all advice for switching jobs . Extremely capable people stay on the same job for over a decade for reasons no one really understands, other get restless before the year is out. When money is on the line people stay as long as they need to fully vest and jump right after. Every wisdom this article offers will be proven wrong for some people in some situations and with disastrous consequences. Having a feel for the situation seems to be the main requirement for any would-be job switcher.  Have you weighed all your options within the current company and concluded that you are at the end of the road? If that is the answer then its definitely time to move on. As with bad relationships where people repeat the patterns that got them with the unsuitable partner they left only to be with another one who is much the same, mind that you break the bad employment patterns while making change.  That is sadly easier said than done given the nature of your sk...

Listening to the NY Times podcast on disgust got me curious about the topic and lead me to this essay.  The fact that what disgusts us can predict our political leanings with 95% accuracy was fascinating: The brains of liberals and conservatives reacted in wildly different ways to repulsive pictures: Both groups reacted, but different brain networks were stimulated. Just by looking at the subjects’ neural responses, in fact, Montague could predict with more than 95 percent accuracy whether they were liberal or conservative.  I know about an equal number of liberals and conservatives and to think they would be disgusted by completely different things was not something I would have expected. But the idea that being most disgust prone in general skews conservative seems logical at first blush: Using a far cruder tool for measuring sensitivity to disgust—basically a standardized questionnaire that asks subjects how they would feel about, say, touching a toilet seat in a public re...

Watched the movie I Killed My Mother recently and it was a memorable experience. Not every parent is cut out to be be one and even when they are, they often fail to perform to the expectations of the child. They almost always fail to meet their own standards if they are being honest with themselves, Such is the tragedy of parenthood to balance out all its joys and rewards.  Chantal in this movie was never cut out for motherhood and then she is dealt a bad hand in life forcing her to be a single-mom to a son who at the time of telling the story is moody teen and has a boyfriend. It's a combination that would daunt the best mothers out there but it completely routs Chantal. She copes the best she can, escapes when she can't solve and resolve problems. Her coping strategies make difficult conditions in her relationship with her son absolutely unbearable for him. He acts out in response. The struggle to love the mother when it is just about impossible to love her, when the communi...

A beautiful way to bring literature into the mundane business of answering the question "What time is it?" Until five o'clock there was no sign of life from the room. Then he rang for his servant and ordered a cold bath. - Embers, Sandor Marai From five o'clock to eight is on certain occasions a little eternity; but on such an occasion as this the interval could be only an eternity of pleasure. -- The Portrait of a Lady, Henry James One minute after five. The seated guests were told that the ceremony would begin shortly. A little more patience was required. - Trouble & Triumph: A Novel of Power & Beauty, Tip "T.I." Harris with David Ritz She stood up, shook her hair into place, smoothed her skirt and turned on the light. It was two minutes past five. She would have thought it midnight or five in the morning. - Duplicate Keys, Jane Smiley I showed up at the site right around 5 pm and was rewarded by these quotes, learning about books and writers I was...

Made a real effort to stick with Modern Romance and could not make it. The key take-aways were obvious and few. The aperture of choice and opportunity as relates to find a partner has expanded a great deal over the last few decades. Consequently, people (specially women with their new found freedom and financial independence) are not willing to settle for the first thing that shows up. They want to take a couple of decades (if that is what it takes) to find real love and if that that does not come to pass, stay single and enjoy that life. If you have ever had a relationship conversation with a Millennial or Gen Z individual they would have likely elucidated you to these fact in the first five minutes. The other big learning that Ansari would have us take away is the modes of communications in the dating world have changed and mostly for the worse.  Also something you can learn by observing any random set of young people who are single and trying to find a partner. Not sure why ext...

Lot of my peers have lost a parent, the lucky few have both alive even if ailing. Conversations about parents are focused on end of life and how best to support that phase. Leave them in the environments they are comfortable, uproot them to be close so its easier to manage their needs. The pandemic seems to have made these conversations far more urgent.  A close friend lost his mother last year and managing the tangle of legal and financial affairs mostly from afar after a visit for the funeral arrangements seemed to make mourning an impossible task for him. There is no quiet, undisturbed time to do that. There is the random moment here and there when she is remembered in the ebb and flow of daily life but making peace with the loss of a parent takes much more than that. Reading these lines by  Thich Nhat Hanh and thinking about what they mean is particularly relevant for those of us who are coming close to this loss or have already experienced it: When you lose a loved one, y...

Listening to this song brought back memories of the time J and I watched the band live in New Orleans. It was a business trip and I was able to bring her along, take the weekend off to explore the city. It was around this time of year but not during the Madri Gras. The city left and indelible impression on me and became a place I would want to return with her some day.  It was a remarkable to experience music of such quality in a very intimate setting. I remember feeling very privileged. There were a couple of other times in my life when I lucked into private soirees with top Hindustani classical talent performing. Watching them on stage from afar is treat enough but to be seated within six feet of them in the same room is a whole another dimension.  Looking back upon these experiences today made me wonder if there is a larger societal value to having virtuosity in any field come close to the masses sometimes, so the person behind the powerhouse talent is easier to see and ac...

Amazing things can be done with SQL but this is well above and beyond that and it was inspirational to read through some of the posts. My skills are rusty as best but it was inspiring to see what mastery looks like. This one about implementing a quantum computer with SQL is spectacular because most people would think the very idea of doing this is absurd. Goes to prove its not the tool but the artist who wields it that makes the magic. Reading this blog connected me to a time from long ago on my first job.  I was learning to code and my boss at the time got me hooked on Joe Celko's SQL puzzlers to get my brain to start framing logical answers to questions. I used to work on these during my lunch break and the first few works were disappointing - I just could not get it right it seemed. The way my brain thought through the problem was off the mark producing clunky and inefficient answers even when they were correct. Over the months, I started to see light through the clouds, some...

 A random yet heart-warming story about pursuing something you love to the logical even if somewhat zany end . It reminded me of a story I had read in the newspaper as a kid. The author had this hobby of writing down snippets of conversation she heard in public spaces - bus stops, train stations, the marketplace and so on.  She always carried a notebook and wrote down things she heard that piqued her interest. Some of these sound-bites might even start mid-sentence but that was part of the allure of this particular hobby. At the time of writing this article she had many such hand-written notebooks created over the years and she was toying with the idea of turning it into a book.  The idea remained with me ever since I read this article. In India, it is not hard to catch great morsels of conversation when you are out and about so just tuning in to what strangers were talking about opened the floodgates of interesting tidbits. I could see how maintaining a log of this rando...

Interesting essay on socio-economic class maybe impact the level of pandemic created loneliness . Most people I know are somewhere in the middle - that vast, almost infinitely accommodating tranche that fits most of us.  The privileges the article mentions that need to be in place for large gatherings did not apply to me or people I know. We stayed home, socialized with a select few family and friends - not seeking to expand our social network for fear of creating added risk via new entrants. We stuck with what we knew and felt was safe. In aggregate our loneliness only grew over time  Loneliness has been one of the greatest harms of the pandemic, and some people are  more afflicted than others . In general, those at the very top and the very bottom of the socioeconomic ladder have had the most chances to meet and socialize, while those in between have suffered the worst consequences.  

This trend of worthless science has been exacerbated by the media spotlight, political pressure and, presumably, the strong human impulse in the face of an emergency to do something, anything, even if it is sheer lunacy. This way, zombie scientists get not only peer-review recognition but also the public’s impression that they are doing important work. Zombie science not only pollutes science and generates noise; it also contributes to the hype of miracle cures and false hopes that end up in the press.  Science for resume-boosting sounds a lot like other resume-boosting exercises that people in other professions do. There is a whole art form involved in staying in a role just long enough to create the appearance of having produced results and riding the wave of such illusion to get promoted, rinse and repeat the same pattern and move some more until people catch on to the scheme. By that time the person has moved up several levels and is ripe for a big job in another company. The ...

This is an useful read for anyone who needs to come up with nice yet firm ways to say No . The other advisory that I have found useful and passed along to younger people is to pause a little before saying Yes or No, no matter how strong the impulse to pull the trigger and how obvious the response might seem at the moment. Depending on how the ask is phrased, the timing relative to your mental state at that point, the response may prove to be an emotional one. The passage of time, even if only a few hours, allows the ask to percolate a bit deeper and we are able to be more objective.  In my younger years, I found myself too eager to say yes and sign up for projects for which I had no time or particular passion for. It was with the aim of "learning and growing" from the real-world experience. I might have learned a few things here and there from such over-zealousness to say Yes to things but in hindsight No would have been the better response for many. I also learned as I grew ...

It's like Amazon heard the collective voice of customers who hate shopping for clothes and decided to put us out of our misery. Every bit of the concept is meant to solve for a the target customer need. Specially like the idea that a shopper can put their full look together without leaving the fitting room and scavenging for the piece that works with that they have selected.  Shopping for clothes in a physical store is such a time drain that some folks like me don't bother until there is simply no alternative. Over the years, such extreme events have become rare - I can't remember the last time I went to a store to buy a specific item of clothing. If I know what I want, its always the better choice to go online and avoid the miserable experience of tracking it down in a store. Clearly I am not the minority here given that Amazon (along with others) are trying to solve what I have long viewed as a problem.    ..the store is a "truly unique experience," but similar ...

Wonderful essay on the  the space between imagination and reality and the beguiling power of practice . In the context of music, how it empowers those who can make it: Singing had always seemed to come naturally to me, and people would reliably tell me I was good at it – something very important to me as an attention-seeking youngest child. But I’d never seen an opera performed. What I loved was the feeling of power that singing gave me, of physical strength – the fact I could make a sound that filled a room just by using my body.  The struggling artist stereotype is a very common one. The path to success is incredibly hard and the overwhelming majority don't make it. This reality is not lost on the struggling artist either and yet they can't seem to quit: Can you just be cured of art?  the director asks one day.  Like smoking, just not want to do it anymore? Do hypnotherapy or something and just be cured of it?   I’m not earning any money from singing, but...

The day Lata Mangeshkar passed away, I was with a local friend who had not heard of her but had just read the news and told me. I remember feeling dazed for a bit as if expecting immortality and then being surprised by death. I played Ek Pyar Ka Nagma Hai to give A a sense of her music. Why that song in particular I don't know, but it felt like right the one at the moment. Listening to her voice made me cry from pain that I did not even know I had or felt.  For the next couple of days, I had trouble listening to songs by her that held some deep emotional connection for me. Phases of life, events happy and sad and memories of others who have since passed on. Nostalgia for my childhood was a big part of this music and it is replete with people with whom I had favorite songs in common. It was more than just music, memories were tightly entwined with it, phrase by phrase, tune by tune. I grew up with a lot of music around me with just about every family member being musically gifted. ...

Much to think about in the court decision about who is at fault in the case of a car on auto-pilot killing people .  National Highway Traffic Safety Administration confirmed that the Autopilot driver-assistance feature was active at the time of the crash. That makes this case notable in that these are the first felony charges to result from a fatal crash involving a partially automated driving system. If there is a driver in the car, no matter what mode the car is operating in, the driver is responsible for safety - that seems to be the premise of the decision. Now if it were that (for instance) the car were to spontaneously catch on fire due to electrical failure and hurt others in the vicinity then it would not be the driver's fault.  So if anyone has been dreaming of sleeping behind the wheel as their self-driving car takes them wherever their heart desires, this ruling should serve as a great wake-up call. For the rest of us who are skeptical about the driverless technolog...

Great essay on why we buy stuff . Love the way the author breaks down the buying process into the three logical component needs it feeds - Object, Enhancement and Experience. The author illustrates by example: The Object is the phone. The Enhancement is the Spotify app. The Experience is that of listening to music. The key to avoid excessive buying following this logic would be to avoid acquiring objects that by their very nature seek opportunities for enhancements which in turn trigger ways in which to improve the experience. Conversely an object that stands on its own and is able to deliver experiential value without needing enhancements would then limit the buying. One of my favorite kitchen items is my slow-cooker. I have had it for years and use it a lot. Reading this essay made me think about this particular purchase and what category it fell into. The answer is not so straight forward.  If my cooking stove is the primary object then clearly it was not delivering the range of...

A couple of days before J returned to college after winter break, we went to the nail salon together as a treat. Its been a strange few years with the pandemic and I was not even sure I would see her during break with the rapidly evolving travel guidelines. But we did get to meet and this felt like a nice way to bookend her visit - it would be the first time for us too. The nail salon experience felt surreal - the intense focus on nails for an hour to the exclusion of everything in the world. The place was quiet except for a some soft background music and the sound of an indoor waterfall. Pedicure clients were all on their phones. The manicure ones maintained silence as they observed their nails being worked on.  The age range of clientele at the shop ranged from teen to post-retirement - this might have been everyone's short escape from the real world of empty grocery shelves, shoveling snow, being stuck in traffic, getting hit with the virus or having someone at home self-is...

Interesting way to reduce interactions between drivers and police over minor driving infractions.  Windcrest will launch the new  Trusted Driver Program  on Saturday, which aims to reduce the interaction between police and the public for minor traffic violations.  The web-based program is the first of its kind in the U.S. and allows officers to send drivers an SMS message with information on their traffic violation—and fine—if applicable, instead of pulling them over. Drivers may even get props from doing a good job so its both carrot and stick. It would be nice if this translated to additional benefits for good drivers like lower insurance premiums, discounts on tolls and such. Just a thumbs up for good driving does not seem to go far enough, the behavior you want to see emulated often needs to be tied to better rewards and incentives. Specially for teen drivers - this would be a great way to set them up with good driving practices for life. 

Deliberate ignorance is a coping strategy in many relationships. People would rather suspect but remain in the dark than know and be forced to take action. The cost of knowing is too high and is sure to produce great discomfort. If over time, you can turn a blind eye to a cheating spouse, a wayward adult child, an ill-intentioned relative and so on, chances are you have been able to come to an internal compromise about what you do know to be true but have chosen not to bring out into the open. Who is to say that is a bad strategy. Time is great healer and leveler.  The philandering partner will one day lose their drive to pursue their dalliances, the adult-child may understand the error of their ways and learn to be responsible, the ill-intentioned relative will become too old and incapacitated to cause any harm. The person who chose a deliberate ignorance strategy will then come out ahead - they had never been blindsided so they have no reason to feel foolish. Thanks to their pat...

Interesting read about how foreign travelers to India can get mentally disturbed and disoriented over the extended period of stay. Over the years, I have met people who have traveled to India for business and pleasure or both. Some came with no particular understanding of the culture or specific set of expectations, others had a lot of pent up anticipation. Notwithstanding, they started out by being jolted by the reality of India which no one can be prepared for. The sensory overload was too much, the experience of mingling with the locals unlike anything they had known before and the bewildering array of dichotomies no matter which direction you look.  Some folks can't stand it for too long and want to rush back home to the familiar and comfortable. Those who withstand the first shockwaves and are blessed with curiosity strong enough to fight the odds, soldier on. They extend their stay like some people mentioned in the article do, others return time after time to immerse themselv...

Nothing of great enduring value comes without pain and effort as this story about a 97 year old pianist signing a record label reiterates.  According to her memoir, Forbidden Childhood, Slenczynska was made to practise all 24 Études before breakfast every morning by her father, Josef Slenczynski, who was a skilled violinist. It makes for a simple scale of comparison to the lives of other children and youth. For many it is ceaseless struggle for the parent to even wake them up on time for breakfast and get them to eat something healthy. If the kid is able to wake up on time to eat a healthy breakfast and go to school that would be an accomplishment in many homes.  That's one level of effort and then there is playing twenty-four Chopin Etudes before breakfast every morning. Based on what we see in the world, the overwhelming majority never even got to playing even one of those Etudes every day. So its no surprise the accomplishments are not nearly as grand or enduring in the en...

When J was still in high school, we often chatted about how technology might impact choice of career. We generally agreed that she would be served working where the process of getting something done is ambiguous, needed a mix of skills ideally unrelated and having data really does not help. In a sense we were trying to come with criteria that defines a job that would be hard to automate in her lifetime. It is no surprise that such discussions happened because stories like this one started to show up in the media once too often. I saw the sea change in the world of software testing in a few short years. Large QA teams were replaced by testing automation and a few developers that were needed to build the scripts. There used to be a change and release managers in most companies I worked for in my early career, releasing a new version of software was huge event and required multiple teams to pull all-nighters to make it happen - those concepts are so antiquated now that developers would i...