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Bread Sharing

Interesting story about how men perceive the value of the work their wife does. I could map the definition of bread-winner and bread-sharer to most men I know professionally. M comes to mind immediately in the bread-sharer category. He is married to his college sweet-heart, she travels a lot for work and they have two kids. Two things stood out to me about M when we first met at work. He goes the extra distance to make sure women's voices are heard and acknowledged whenever he is present to make that happen. Given his tenure and seniority in the organization, his efforts produce tangible results. 

The second thing I noticed was that M refused to take on people management responsibilities even though he is very well-liked and has no trouble leading and inspiring people. If anything, M would be the ideal people manager. He shared once that his wife always had the better job - both in terms of span of influence and money. In their marriage it was understood she would almost always be on the road and he would help with home and kids. Now that the kids are in high school, M is in a role that requires a bit of travel. "She is just a lot smarter than me, so its no surprise that she's doing so well" M said matter-of-factly. In his mind he is just doing what is logical to maximize the benefits for their family unit. 

Diametrically opposite to S is R - another guy I have worked with. He is married to a woman he met in b-school and they like S have two kids. R's career is thriving and he gives his job his full time and attention. The wife works at a low level job for which she is crazy over-qualified. She has fixed hours that she's organized to fit the school schedule of the kids. She takes care of everything at home. From what I have heard, this woman is intensely busy as R is not around to help with anything. He is very much the bread-winner type. He takes his responsibility to provide for his family seriously - nothing but the best for them.  Status at work and generally in the professional area mean a lot to him - he likes being recognized as a power-player, the guy on the speed-lane for promotions, bigger better opportunities. 

From my observations, neither S nor R are happy with the balancing act they have chosen in their marriage. R is very far from a misogynist. Like S he is very much about making sure women are treated fairly and their contributions are recognized. Women who have worked for R would rate him as an excellent manager, mentor and coach. He is not in a bread-winner role because he disrespects his wife or thinks she is his inferior. In their situation, the balance they have struck maximizes value for the family - no different than S and his family. S is not happy either seeing opportunities to expand his scope of influence pass him by. It's been said professional women cannot have it all but the same is true for men.

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