I was introduced to N by a common friend who thought we would hit it off. On the face of it, we had a fair bit in common. N is single-mom and her only kid is in grad school now. She's from India but has been living in North America for a few decades mostly on her own. Support from friends and family has been sporadic so the child had to go through a few upheavals until the dust settled. She is a few years older than me and living her best life only in the five years or so, her big responsibilities over. It was good to meet her when we finally did but I could tell that we had little in common despite the checklist of things that would be immediately obvious to others as it had been to our common friend. That bonding lasted all of ten minutes upon first meeting N. Then it became all about what we did not have in common and in fact were not even aligned on remotely - there was no getting around that.
N is still discovering who she is - so there is new diet, a new fad and new style every so often. I am pretty much decided in every way - there is little that changes about how I live my life day to day expect for adjustments to what I already do and want to continue doing. N invited me to her place and insisted I spend the night there specially that I was flying out the next afternoon. She asked about dinner plans and I said, I would gladly eat in if that worked for her because just about any home-cooked food would be great after eating out for a week. N was a bit concerned at this because she was in the phase where she was tossing everything out of the kitchen and not cooking anything anymore. This is new in her life as of the last month because she wants to try this new way to be. I am excited for her because she has the enthusiasm of someone way younger to run experiments in her life to see what actually works. She does not treat age as a reason to stop doing that.
For N there will likely never be a time when issues are settled and the answers are what they are forever. She is one of those people who when they don't like the answer, will do something different and not stop until the end of life or the right answer whichever comes first. This is probably the most unique and interesting thing about N - she lives one day at a time and everything is always subject to change. I must have appeared to her awfully unadventurous and hidebound (which I am sure I am to large extent) and she had no idea what to do with me after the initial pleasantries were done.
I am simply not the kind of person who inspires her and gives her energy to live the life she wants to live and the same is true for me - N does not represent anything aspirational to me. We are just oddities to each other and it is no surprise that it has become impossible to keep a mundane conversation going with her after we met in-person for the first time. Maybe it would have been for the best that we had never actually met.
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