Heartcrossings

Consolation is to often found serendipitously - in my case in a post by one of my favorite bloggers waiterrant titled "Leftovers". He talks about how Average Joes end up with Smoking Babes and much more. While I'm not too bad, be it far from my humble self to claim emitting smoke from my person. Now, the Joe in question is arguably less than average, an obvious conclusion derivate of the observation in the said post. So, if I ask "What gives ?" I am clearly at fault. Having consoled myself that I am yet another case in point, I feel more inclined towards acceptance bordering on resignation. A significant departure from complete shell-shock and resistance - the two immediate reactions on first setting eyes on the said Joe. At that instant, I had wanted out or in the least wanted another chance. Now, I await a decision - i.e. Joe deciding with resounding finality that he and I are an item for life. I am aware that the item would look rather strange - I've born...

My daughter J does not merely test the rules to see where my break point lies, she also creates new and intriguing challenges. For instance getting positive attention, affirmation, affection and adoration is routine and thus boring. She wants to keel over to the other side - bait me slowly, little by little until my patience is completely worn out. Fan at my anger until the heat turns white hot. Now that is exactly like my Ex. How I hated being manipulated then and how much more I hate it that this three year old can do just the same - only with more panache. I was furious this evening - I finally lost it. Ended up doing and saying things that I will regret at leisure - J had taken me well beyond breakpoint. That she could do this to me is a failure on my part and I feel duly ashamed. She is highly intelligent, intuitive and imaginative - her actions are almost always motivated though I'd find it hard for anyone to buy into that. Most likely I'll be called delusional. I wonder ...

I have been observing a phenomenon for a while now. It started with my being invited to more meetings than I care to attend or need to. It comes free with the job description and makes me long to be a programmer left alone to mire in the cesspool of my own code. Coming back to the meetings. I get bored after the five minutes of these hour long jamborees. With nothing left to do I survey the people seated, talking, gesticulating, making inside jokes that I don't quite get because of my unfamiliarity with TV sitcoms and Hollywood blockbusters. It is amazing that almost all humor is derived exclusively from the aforementioned sources. The Indian equivalent would be laughing over Kader Khan histrionics from a popular Bollywood flick. It's a cultural niche not to mention an acquired taste. Anyways, my survey took an interesting turn when I started to analyze trends in my random observations. Most of the younger women (from the late twenties to the mid thirties) wore identical diam...

Chanced upon a travelogue with a difference. I love travel as do a lot of other people. Anyone with a fascinating story set in a far flung country is an immediate object of my fascination. Stands to reason that I would find a personal audio visual account of global travel riveting. Not having seen the best part of my own country, I loved watching Surabhi on Doordarshan. Those were the pre-cable TV days an innocent and uncomplicated time. Thought the folks on the show had the best job in the world. Getting paid to travel that would be a dream come true for me.

Most men I have been in relationships with were big on geo-politics, the effect never quite rubbed off on to me. Like most things I know I cannot change I do not care too much about. Nebulas and G-7 summits are in the same league in my scheme of things. I'd much rather care about trends in IT management, Gartner hype-cycles and what all of that means to my career. And when I finally have the time go to a good school for a degree in Fine Arts. That's the short and long term focus of my life and my ant's world view. Parochial but effective I believe. However, reading about metrosexuality in the context of polity got me interested enough to go through the whole article

Going over my to-do list to check with AAA to send me my membership card, I remembered how I would pore over those AAA maps and mark out an obscure route that seemed scenic and had water all around. I am drawn to water - oceans most strongly but even a pond dotted with lilies can be charming. I am a fire sign though - maybe I crave to be doused and at peace with myself. Though we did not stay together long enough to make this trip .. maps still do remind me of him.. If and only if persist forever. After bonds are broken in body and spirit, after the years, after all feelings of betrayal, anger and loss have been washed over by the time's ceaseless flow. Does he ever stop and look back to see the detritus left behind ? The lives stopped short ? The hopes and dreams thwarted ? Does he like me wish time's arrow would move backward about thirty years ? Every once in a while I do wonder what I did to deserve this and ever so often I realize that I am so far away from true knowledge ...